Pain

I am going thru stop difficult crap in my life right now. 

I want to write this because its what my blog is about. 

my life. 

I thought about writing it and then I sat down to write it and then I wrote some fluffy Christmas Greeting instead. 

20 Years ago at Christmas time I had a secret. 

A secret that Only one other person and God knew about. 

Secrets are not good. They tear at your being. 

But the only thing about that secret is that I had hope. 

As bad as my situation seemed at the time, 

I  still had hope. 

I sit here 20 years later, at the same time of the year 

with burdens on my shoulder that I can not 

get rid of. 

Burdens of Concern. 

Burdens of unanswered prayer. 

Burdens for my daughter.

I am looking for wisdom. 

I was told by someone that I greatly respect 

that You need to Love your children, 

Even through their mistakes. 

Let them know that you still love them even when they are doing the wrong thing. 

Even when You know they are making bad calls. 

This is hard. 

I think Of my own parents 20 years ago. 

Finding out that they had a 18 year old daughter who was 

pregnant. They were upset, disappointed but yet they still loved me. 

How hard that must have been for them. 

How difficult that situation was for my entire family. 

I was a selfish girl, I made decisions based on no one else but myself. 

I didn't look down the road at all and the choices I was making would impact

not only myself but everyone around me. 

I think OF God, my Heavenly Father, 20 years ago. 

of How I had disappointed Him with the choices I had made. 

But yet, He still Loved me. 

I want God to fix this. 

I want Him to remove the scales from my daughters eyes. 

I want him to soften her heart. 

but she is going to make mistakes. 

she is going to.  

but I still need to LOVE her. 

I need to have hope. 

I need to rest assure that My God has a plan for my daughter. 

He knows the path that she will follow. 

It certainly isn't the path that I would put her on. 

but it's the path that will form her and make her into who she is 

to become. 

I love her. 

I think about a tiny baby 20 years ago 

being knit together in my womb. 

A baby that God had planned. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Psalm 139:13-16

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

and one more. 

Proverbs 3: 5-6

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,    and he will make your paths straight.^[a]

^{Thanks for listening to me. I needed that.}