Monday, November 7, 2011

real

I am who I am...

My blog is an outlet for me. 

a safe place to write, create, share. 

 I am dealing with a lot in my life right at this moment.  This season of our lives is not exactly going smoothly. My Husband's leg although better is still having problems, Then last night I got a call from our oldest daughter while they were working the paint gun exploded and shot into his face. His eyes were covered. We are financially struggling as well and I know that it  all will work out , but it sure is hard waiting. I know that God is there with us. I know He will make a way. He has always been so good to us. Even when I thought things were impossible He showed me that they are possible  with HIM.  But it is hard to watch people around me living very UnGodly lives and prospering, all around me.
 I was really burdened by this last night. 

I wrote this. It is not easy to read, but it was what I had bottled up inside me. Sometimes blogs aren't all pretty and cute. Sometimes they have to be real. 

**********************************************************************************

My world feels like it is coming apart at the seams. 
Ripping open. 
Spilling forth to show a raw aching in my bones, 
the very depth of my being is exposed.
 Being pillaged by demons, 
who are clawing at my soul.
Feeling hopeless and utter despair.
How much longer must i endure this gripping affliction?
How much longer?
My heart is seizing  it no longer wants to beat. 
It has to fight for the last compression of the muscle, 
tighter and tighter it becomes.
My lungs gasp for air as the last breath escapes.
 a heavy closing 
it constricts. 
i know it is over.
Silence
I am free.
High above the clouds.
Floating, flying. Free.

I gently glide as with a  buoyancy
 I have never known.
Colors i have never seen nor can explain flash vividly before my eyes.
Colors more brilliant then any ruby or diamond, glittering, gleaming, almost glowing.
His peace fills me from my head to my toes
Freeing me from the worries, stress, aliments and afflictions of my lifetime on earth. 
No worries or cares, i am safe. i am free.
I am,
home.




amy rehbein
Nov 6 2011


6 comments:

Jen said...

Wow! That was amazing....I get how you're feeling--shocking I know ;)-- It's so hard to watch as others have it "good" while you are struggling. Hard to remember (in those times) that you have God on your side and it will be OK. I'm praying for you and all of the latest struggles, I wish I was there to take you out on a photography-tastic day to keep your mind off crap.
I love how real your blog is....truly a "what you see here is what you get" thing! Love you Amy

Astrid said...

Thanks for sharing, Amy. Just want you to know that I am TOTALLY praying for you, your family and Dom. Jesus provides, this I know. Hang in there and find comfort in the fact that there are tonnes of people praying for you all!! I too wish Jen was there to take you on a photography-tastic day ;)

hannah singer said...

amy, your honesty refrrshes my soul.
i love your words. thank you for sharing.

i've been battling a similar set of circumstanes.
this morning i read psalm 37 and it lifted me up.
i'll share a bit with you:

Psalm 37:1-11
Fret not yourself because of evildoers,
be not envious of wrongdoers!
For they will soon fade like the grass
and wither like the green herb.
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
For the evildoers shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.
In just a little while, the wicked will be no more;
though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.
But the meek shall inherit the land
and delight themselves in abundant peace.



love to you, i'm praying for you! xo

shelley said...

Wow your transparency is inspiring. I have been going through similar trials. Praise God He will provide. I will pray for you my friend.

Elise said...

Isn't it something that when you share of yourself, that others "come out of the woodwork" so to speak, to let you know you are not alone. I love that passage Hannah shared. We, too, have gone thru some yucky stuff the past year and a half, and it sucked, but there is good in it, too. God is always faithful, even if the circumstance doesn't turn out the way we would have wanted. Believe me, I wrote the book on that!!
Praying for you...
Elise

gina said...

Amy I am just reading this now b/c I have been out of town. There is so much I want to share, but maybe I will email you instead, but thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable!

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